It has been a long time since I have written in this blog mainly because I lost my passion for writing and maybe even living. So many decisions I’ve made worked against me and I thought that this was how my life was going to be so I should just sit back and accept it. After all, this was my fate so why fight fate. However, somewhere inside me there was a voice that kept nagging me to fight, to not give up and to take a stand. Yes, I was a mother, a damn good one but I was also more than that, I just had to find her again. My futile attempts at reinventing myself fell short because my heart was not in it, I was still unsure as to who or what I should be looking for. Now three years later I have finally decided that it’s now or never, it’s time for me to ‘be all that I can be’ to quote a line from the army commercials. I am a young 60 and I want to finally find out what it feels like to be loved by a man who actually loves me more than he loves himself. My children are all grown, my youngest is a sophomore in college and I find myself with a lot of free time. I have retired from my full time job but still work at home with another company, I just can’t sit around all day doing nothing. I’m trying to regain some of the passion for the things I used to love doing, and I’m starting by writing this post. I’m just wondering, how many women or men have gone through bad relationships and thought there was no hope for them to ever find happiness, but have managed to somehow find it again. Is it even possible or realistic to think that at this age love could find me? How can I rid my very being of the feel of my bad marriage so that I can be open to something new. I’m so afraid of getting something similar to what I had, so how do I not do that? My daughter told me that I should not limit myself that I should be open to dating men of all races because you just don’t know who your soul mate may be. I told her that I don’t believe in soul mates or fairy tales anymore, she just smiled and kissed my cheek. So I’m asking, how do I start?
“If you are depressed, you are living in the past, If you are anxious, you are living in the future, If you are at peace, you are living in the present.”
I had an interesting conversation with my 16-year-old daughter last night. She informed me that the reason I cannot find a date is because I have low self-esteem. She said that I have allowed myself to live too much in the past, and that I keep allowing my ex husband to still have control, by reliving all the bad things he did to me. She also told me that I needed to snap out of it and do something for myself. That it was time for me to take care of myself and be happy. Needless to say I was floored by what she had to say, and as I started to protest she gave me that look that only a teenager can give you. ”What do you mean” I asked her, “I do not live in the past” which to her seemed like a pretty lame response. ”Mom” she said giving me the raised eyebrow, head tilted to the side look, “you do”. As I looked at her I had to admit she was right, I do sometimes relive the past. There are times when a phrase or song will stir a memory I thought had been long forgotten. I’m sure everyone has had those moments, when a smell or song can take you back. Sometimes the memory is a good one, and sometimes they are not so good and should remain forgotten. I have had a lot of great moments in my life and some not so great ones. I had been in a marriage that left me somewhat broken and unsure of myself, I gained a lot of weight and I felt trapped. Somehow I found the strength to pull myself up, get myself out of the bad marriage and try to find my footing again. My three children have all grown up to be beautiful, responsible, hard-working adults, well two are adults and my 16-year old only thinks she’s an adult. However, she is right, I have to let go of the past and focus on my future. I have to find that girl I used to be who thought that anything was possible. It’s going to be a struggle but I’m up for the challenge, I hope. The only question is this, at age 57 is it possible to find yourself again and can you be happy with who you find? What if the girl you used to be is dead and gone, what do you do then? I always hear people talk about reinventing themselves, is it as easy as they say? What if my time has past and I’ve given too much of myself and can’t get it back? What if…..?
When I was searching for ways to lose weight, I also came across another website that could give good health related advice. NatMedTalk.com (http://www.NatMedTalk.com) is a forum for people with health related questions on any health issue. This site is free to join, and it is full of information. The questions on this site range from weight loss question to questions on how to treat and prevent cancer. Anything you might have a health question about will be found here or you can ask and receive an answer. This site helps you become knowledgeable of which vitamin will help slow tumor growth or what medical research is saying now about ways to prevent disease. I am sure you will find the answers to your questions, and as I said before, if you don’t see your question there, just ask.
It has come to my attention that I may have a bit more padding than I thought. You see I happen to look in the mirror and discovered to my amazement that I was FAT!! I had to look again and even though I knew I was looking at myself in that mirror, I still did not recognize the woman staring back. My first thought was how did I get here, and I immediately wanted a snickers. However, instead of grabbing that, I sat at the computer and started to search websites. I needed a site that would not only give me the benefits of eating healthy but offer suggestions as well. I came across this site called the Healthy Fellow (http://www.healthyfellow.com) and was immediately pulled in. The first article I read suggested that you eat like the rainbow. It detailed the benefits of eating dark green leafy vegetables, like spinach and kale. You should also eat red and yellow fruits and vegetables like tomatoes, squash, bananas. Another article talked about the benefits of Krill oil verse Omega oils. The owner of this site has been involved in the natural health community for over 20 years and can answer most if not any questions you might have. After visiting this site, I decided that it was time for me to break it to my two favorite guys, Ben and Jerry, that we were taking a break from one another. It is time for me to get off that ‘rocky road’ and walk another path. Wish me luck!!
Many of the kids today are failing english because their vocabulary has been comprimed. Words such as alright, and converse has been changed to fit todays way of speaking. Alright has been shortened by many and pronounced as ‘aight’ and people no longer converse, they conversate. I was an English major, I love the English language so naturally my skin crawls when this beautiful language is butchered.
My daughter wanted to get into an honors English class, so she asked me to help her. I was more than willing to do this, but I didn’t want it to be boring for her. So, I searched the web for a program that would keep her entertained and increase her vocabulary as well. I found this program call VOCABOLY at (http://www.vocaboly.com) . This program offers more that 12,000 words all with pronunciations, meanings and phonetic symbols. It also helps you prepare for the SAT, GMAT, TOEFL, GRE and also offers and ESL program.
This program is compatible with microsoft WIN 98, Vista, 2000 and XP. She loved it and to her delight she was able to get the grades necessary for her to get into the honors class. I would suggest that if you need to build your wordpower, or if your child is preparing for the SAT’s, this program will definitely help.
Wow, it’s been almost a two years since I last posted here, I am so glad to be back again. I have been so busy trying to get my life in order that I didn’t have time to write about it. I have truly missed this and I only remembered today that I had this blog. It’s true what they say that if you don’t use it you will lose it. I almost could not remember the name of this blog nor could I remember the password. But I am back and I am here hopefully for good. I have learned a lot of things since I was last here, one is that you can not drown your unhappiness in food. The only thing that will get you is a tattoo on your butt that says ‘wide load’. Yes I have gained a lot of weight just by trying to fill the void left inside after that awful marriage and my lame attempts at dating which failed miserably. I am now trying to get my youthful figure back, and I will again attempt to enter the dating arena. I hope I have better luck this time than I did the last time. I know one thing for sure, no more fix ups by friends or family. I’m going to do it the new millenium way, online dating..Actually I’m only kidding, I know that if I did that, with my track record my first date would be with a guy who would want me to smear peanut butter on myself and tap dance like Shirley Temple. At this point I don’t know how I’m going to do it, but I will figure it out. I’m open to suggestions, as long as they’re not weird. At any rate, Hello Again, I’m back!!